Christmas Jumpering.

I don't wear jumpers, they are the most un-stylish garment of all and I am far too elegant to don such an item. Further to that, I am usually too warm so I boil in one. I bought a sweater once in the early 80s, it was a chunky cable knit thing and I looked such a twat in it I never bought another. The other reason I don't wear them is that a tight jumper accentuates my beer belly and the loose ones make me look like a fat bastard trying to cover it up. Jumpers and I don't get on hence my deep concern regarding the rise in popularity of the christmas version of this abhorrent knitwear.  

From my own personal, historical perspective the rise of the christmas jumper began with the film ' Bridget Jones' Diary' where Darcy is seen wearing a ridiculous sweater with a reindeer on it. He looked suitably embarrassed and Bridget mocked him for it quite rightly. Since then, and probably because of many repeats of this brilliant film the christmas jumper has morphed into the ' must have, fun thing to wear' and is no longer an Item for ridicule. 

This year has seen the christmas jumper take a particularly unwelcome and insidious turn. It has now been promoted to the heady heights of a 'fun charity fund- raiser.' There are posters up all over work asking me to wear a jumper in aid of charity. The question is, do I not wear one and seem a miserable, miserly curmudgeon or do I bite the bullet and go and buy one, with the additional expense of a donation to charity? I seem to have been checkmated by knitwear.

I suspect a government plot behind this to boost the economy by ensuring everyone has to buy this woollen garment. After all, where did this Idea for a national Charity jumper wearing event come from? I expect they have agents out there monitoring non-compliance. In fact, I'm sad to say that my most excellent friend, drinking buddy and all-round great bloke, Neil has already posted a picture on farcebook wearing his; hence he must be one of them. I'm expecting a knock on my door any day now from Neil and his shadowy henchmen in Christmas jumpers demanding to see mine.

I must confess that Dearly Beloved and I have given such jumpers as presents this year and there is a very good chance that I will receive one. In many ways that would be excellent as it means I won't have the indignity of going to buy one, I shall be equipped for future charity events and I will have something to show the Shadowy men should they knock. Still, the fact remains that I have been bested by my old enemy the jumper. What is the world coming to? 

PS; Please feel free to inform me of your own personal history of the rise of the christmas jumper.

PPS: in case you were wondering, I didn't wear one and everyone thinks I'm a miserly curmudgeon... but then they did anyway.