A Load of Old Pony.

Back in the early 1990s the French were so concerned about the incursion of foreign language and culture particularly from the USA that they instigated the 'l'exception cultural'. This meant that there was a strong bias in favour of anything written in French or deemed of French origin. The purpose of this was to actively protect their culture and heritage. Despite the initial furor from the international community other countries including Canada have since followed suit. 

The Welsh have had a fair stab at it by promoting their language at every opportunity and I am sure that if Alex Salmond had his way haggis and kilts would be VAT exempt. However the English have been lagging on this front and it's about time we got started. I'm proposing we begin with cockney rhyming slang.

WANTED
DICK VAN DYKE
For serial cockney mocking.
(Isn't that Bob Hoskins in the background?)

It has been a while since those born within the sound of Bow bells have been down the frog and toad and round the Jack Horner for a pig's ear. A living language is one that changes with the times so here are some humble suggestions to bring it up to date: 
Mobile Phone - Cotes Du Rhone.
Satellite Telly - Sally and Nelly.
Xbox - Scotch on the Rocks.
Router - Fish on a Scooter.
Selfie - Stan and Elsie.
iPod - Wink and a Nod.
iPad - Auntie Glad.
Digital Radio - Admiral Horatio.
Cappuccino - Day trip to Reno or, if you prefer, a Dandy and Beano.

I'm sure you can think of many more and all suggestions will be gratefully received. I will forward our proposals on to the Culture Secretary and hopefully I will get a huge chunk of European money to compose a definitive dictionary. I will need some assistants so if anyone wants to be exceptionally well paid just for thinking up stupid rhymes all day please forward your CV. All aboard the gravy train.