'Read All About It'

I flicked through the local paper earlier this week; I generally do, just to see if anyone I know has been killed or arrested. Dearly Beloved does the same but she seems to have a particular fascination for the obituaries. I shall have to keep an eye on that, she might be plotting something. I remember having a conversation with a good friend of mine some years ago about how depressing the news is and I remarked that all the happier news stories seem to be in the local paper. Sadly, this is no longer the case.

Gone are the days of headlines such as ' George's Giant Cucumber Impresses the Ladies' with a picture of a smiling George at the WI horticultural show. Unfortunately, George has been relegated to page four behind such juicy snippets as ' Family of Four Die in Blazing inferno or 'Feral Hoodies Run Amok on Local Estate. On a really slow news week they would still rather put a depressing article about potholes or dog crap on the front page. No wonder everyone's so miserable.

There seems to be huge disparity between the how bad the bad news is and how good the good news is. 'Granny Finds Long Lost Fiver Down Back of Sofa' doesn't really stack up to. '15 Injured in Bus Tragedy'. What we need is some really good news to balance the books such as ' A Year's Council Tax Refund for Everyone' or Crime Rate Reaches Zero. How about ' Youth Finds Cure for Cancer in Local Dustbin or even 'Party For All with Free Drink and Recreational Drugs.

It's all about the advertising revenue, that's what pays and creates profit for the paper, so whatever they put in is just filler between the ads. When I was in the estate agency business we had a big weekly spread in the paper. We didn't get many calls from it but it helped keep a high profile and please the vendors. We couldn't afford not to at the time but the world has moved on. No one looks in the papers anymore, that great oracle Google is the first port of call for most people if they want to know something.

 I expect the days of the local rag are numbered. Businesses will spend less money on print advertising and more on internet based exposure. There is no point in reading it anyway because if anyone I know is likely to be appearing, I would find it out via social media way before the paper is out. It would be shame though; all that paper is very handy for painting and decorating.