'Lovely Day for a Cycle'

Sometimes I cycle to work; it seems almost glamorous on a hot, sunny day. Fortunately we have showers at work so I can don my skimpiest shorts which show off my muscular thighs and my figure hugging T shirt. I can demonstrate my athletic prowess as I glide effortless along looking tanned and vibrant. I'm sure to attract some admiring female glances. Alas, it's not actually like that at all.

As anyone who cycles will tell you, that gentle breeze teasing the tops of the trees turns in to a vicious headwind when you are cycling along, particularly when going uphill and my route to work is all uphill. It's like riding with lead weights in your backpack. People who drive everywhere could be forgiven for believing the world is flat; it's not. It's made up of inclines of various degrees to test the cyclists' stamina and resolve. They are generally of two types, the gentle sloping ones that seem to go on for ever and drain your muscles or the short sharp ones that make you crawl up them gasping for air. On the plus side the route home is all downhill and it's a least five minutes quicker.

It's not only the terrain that causes issues, there's the wildlife. Those tiny flies are a real menace, if they're not getting in your eyes they're disappearing down your throat. Hedgehogs, rabbits and rats have all run out in front of me as I am hurtling down the tracks. So far I have managed to avoid any accidents but it's been close. I've had dogs chase me and knock me off on a particularly steep hill, the same dog more than once. Old people and mums with buggies tend to wander along oblivious to the rest of the universe and block the cycle paths. I've tried using my bell but they just stand in the middle of the road looking confused so I have to stop anyway. 

My route to work takes me through the outskirts of the shopping centre where I cruise along avoiding the pedestrians and reversing cars that are oblivious to my presence. Sometimes I catch sight of myself in the shop windows and instead of looking effortlessly cool and athletic, I appear to be an overweight middle aged man with a red face and puffing slightly and looking faintly ridiculous. Not at all the image I was hoping to project. 

Once I get to work, I'll be parking my cycle in the bike sheds and a colleague will wander past, look up at the sun, look back at me and say in a slightly envious tone 'lovely day for it'. They clearly don't cycle. Then I head off to the showers to get my breath back and wash away the dried sweat and dead bugs. Still, I feel better for it in myself and I'm sure it's good for me. That's one thing about cycling, once you've nearly been knocked off by a rabbit or run down by a car, you certainly know you're alive.