Southpaw

Leonardo da Vinci - Lefty 

I am left handed which, as everyone knows, denotes me as being more intelligent, creative and generally more brilliant in every way than all you right handed people. In some ways it's a curse because everything is designed for right handed people such as can openers and potato peelers but we lefties learn to become ambidextrous so it just becomes another way to show off our innate superiority. I sincerely believe that if we are ever approached by aliens from a planet significantly more advanced than ours they will all be left handed, or tentacled.

Where I work we 'hot desk' if you remember that phrase. I confess it amuses me to watch one of my colleagues trying to log in but unable to find the mouse. The momentary look of confusion is priceless, then the penny drops and they realise I've moved it to the other side of the keyboard. There follows a short grumble which often includes the words 'bloody lefties'. Highly snigger -worthy.

There doesn't seem to be any logical, genetic pattern between right handed 
and the superior left handed babies. Both my first wife and I were left handed but our son was born right handed. My female colleague at work has had three children and they are all left handed although she is a righty. As there is no obvious explanation it suggests that it could be for evolutionary reasons thereby confirming that us lefties are further up the evolutionary ladder.

In the Dark Ages being left handed was the sign of a witch; the mark of the devil. People were executed in the name of God for being left handed. It's generally known that the word sinister is Latin for left. This is clearly further evidence of the left handed attracting attention because of our greater humanity and intellectuality. The right handed establishment attempted to destroy us because of fear and their inability to explain our natural advantages. They claimed it was the work of the devil. Unfortunately the dull-witted righties fell for it hook, line and sinker and the rest is history.

Albert Einstein - Lefty 

These days people are much more enlightened and I am pleased to say you righties have been forgiven for past transgressions. It's true to say that we can't all be winners and it seems the right handed population have finally accepted this. There is no need for right handed people to feel dejected about this, they can still make a meaningful contribution to society. However, I can't help but wonder how much more advanced human beings would be now if the Dark Age purge had never happened.