Morning...! What's good about it?

It was a bright, clear morning as I entered the building where I work and climbed the stairs to begin my shift. The first thing any self-respecting employee does on starting work is to make some tea or coffee, so I headed straight for the kitchen area. One of my young female colleagues was standing in the middle of the kitchen and before I had a chance to open my mouth she said ' fine thanks, and you ?' which takes the automatic morning greeting to a whole new level.

Wherever you work you have to run the gauntlet of the morning greeting. You say ‘good morning, all right mate,’ or something similar and you hopefully get the standard response ‘fine and you?’ then both go on your way without further ado. Unfortunately some people take this throwaway comment literally and begin to tell you about their bad back, car problems or unruly children when in fact you don't really want to know.

Then there are the stock phrases which I am sure are mirrored in every work place in the land. Common ones where I work are: 'well I'm here aren’t I? ', 'better if I wasn't here', 'only another eight hours to go' and similar, all clearly designed to depress you further before you even get started on the working day. I have tried to counter this negativity on some occasions with a 'fantastic, thank you' or ’I'm great today thanks' which is generally met with blank looks and thoughts of informing a supervisor as I am clearly up to something suspicious.

I remember once overhearing an uncle of mine saying that a West Indian work colleague (my uncle was not as polite at that) said ' good morning' to him every day and, every day, my Uncle refused to acknowledge him. My uncle clearly had racist issues and could not understand why the colleague kept it up. I think this says a lot about my uncle, the colleague and the times they lived in.

I am not particularly grumpy in the mornings, I am generally perfectly cheerful when I wake up but getting out of bed, washing and driving to work on autopilot are not the same as waking up. In the book A Map Makers Dream, a 16th Century Venetian monk recounts the story of a tribe who lived close to the edge of the world. Every morning they had to shield their ears from the terrible sound of the sun rising into the sky. I think I can relate to that. There are stories of even more mythical creatures who have the incredible ability to leap out of bed refreshed after a good nights sleep anxious to take on the day. Now I definitely do not believe that.

I always found walking my youngest to school after I had worked a night shift a challenge. You bump into the same people day after day some you nod at, some you smile at, others require a hello, the trouble is to remember which is which. I was invariably tired and grumpy and really did not want to speak to anyone, I dreaded getting stopped for a chat. Although I didn't know the mums and dads walking past, the fact that I happened to be on the same bit of road on the same day on a semi regular basis somehow warrented acknowledgement of their presence out of politeness.

The Buddhists have a philosophy of 'correct speech', which basically means you should not speak frivolously. This would cut out all the morning verbiage as you only say things that are considered important. On the other hand, if we only spoke when absolutely necessary, no one would speak to anyone at all.

  

The Good Ship Friendship.

I went to see an old friend of mine last week who moved to the south
coast. We used to play in the same band many moons ago and lost touch
over the years but using skills worthy of Miss Marple, he managed to
track me down to my Buckinghamshire hideout. He contacted me by
email, we went for a beer, discovered we were both still very much
into music and a friendship was renewed.
I have met up with other friends from long ago including my school
days and have had happy, alcohol fuelled reunions. However, despite
promises of 'doing it again' and 'keeping in touch' it never
transpires. I think this is due to the fact we have all moved on and
you can only reminisce about old times so often before it becomes
dull. Unless you have new shared experiences or something in
common other than the past there is nothing to bind you together
no matter how witty or fun your old friends are. Life gets in the way and keeping in touch becomes hard work. That is the point of social networking, it allows you to keep in touch with people you cant be bothered to visit.

Then there is the potential minefield of your friends other halves and
your own partners friends and their spouses. I am sure we have all
had friends who we like immensely but wish they would leave their
other halves at home or your partners friends who are annoying and
irritating but you smile and pretend you like anyway  for the sake
of domestic harmony.
Many years ago my brother and I were taken on holiday by our parents to a large, rambling B&B with extensive gardens in Devon, we must have been about
seven or eight years old. There was a young German family staying at the same
establishment with children roughly the same age as my brother and I. Of course, the chance to play war with real Germans was irresistible so all four of us spent the week running around shouting "achtung pigdog, die tommy" and
making ridiculous machine gun noises. Heaven knows what the parents
thought but nothing was said about it. By the end of the week we were all really firm friends and I was sorry to leave and upset I would never see them again. So much so that it is one of the
few enduring memories from those years. I have had similar experiences
during the two weeks of summer camp as an army cadet in my teens
although the games were a little more grown up... but not by much.
I would think the camaraderie felt by soldiers actually going to war
must be akin to love.
I have had many good friends come and go over the years, all top blokes
to a man, or top girls in some cases. I will always regard them as friends even if I do not see them from one year to the next but I think you need new shared experiences to keep the good ship Friendship afloat.

Surprise, Surprise

Last weekend I attended a Surprise 70th Birthday party. It was not the fact that the lady concerned was 70, she knew that. It was the fact that all the family turned out for lunch at a local carvery to see her. Organising a surprise event of any kind is fraught with danger and intrigue. There are many things that can go wrong, Auntie Maggie could unthinkingly let the cat out of the bag, telephone messages could be intercepted, conversations overheard.

The organiser will need to resort to sneaking and whispering in corners to ensure the stage is set for the big day. The victim needs to be coaxed to the right place at the right time. All of which can lead to suspicion and paranoia on the part of the intended victim.

On the big day, the family dutifully tucked themselves at the back of the chosen venue but soon got tired of waiting. Individuals started to drift towards the bar causing alarm from the organisers who felt the wanderers  might be spotted on the victims arrival.Fortunately, they were all shepherded back to their seats in the nick of time, The surprise was sprung and  the look on the victims face was a picture. There was no hint that she had cottoned on but you can never be sure.

In general, surprises tend to be of an unpleasant nature. You are more likely to find a spider in your shoe than money on the street ( or a Monet in the loft) King Harolds' arrow in the eye experience or Ronald Reagan being shot at would be considered not so welcome surprises. To quote Jane Austen ,"surprises are foolish things,the pleasure is not enhanced and the inconvenience often considerable" ( Emma,ch 26). Anyone who has had a car break down unexpectedly on the motorway will tell you that. I am also sure those people on the "unsinkable" Titanic would agree.

The likes of Lord Baden- Powell and the explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes have made careers out of "being prepared and avoiding unexpected events.

On the positive side, there is such a thing as serendipity with unexpected happy  benefits or perhaps the arrival of an email from a long lost friend.

In general though, like Jack and his magic beans which lead to him discovering fame and fortune, most happy accidents are confined to fairy tales. On balance then, I am not a big fan of surprises.

Survey Shenanigans

 I have taken to doing online  surveys. I was advised this is quite lucrative by those learned people who populate the Internet.Sadly, this is not the case.
Some of them suggest payment between 10P to £50 per survey and others offer vouchers or, alternatively, points that can be exchanged for vouchers. One of the sites I have signed up to pays cash which you can redeem when you reach a total of £40, so far, all the surveys I have done have paid between 10p and 20p.This would mean I would have to complete approx  267 surveys to earn my £40. Given that I am deemed "not suitable" for approximately 50% of them due to my age, marital status, lack of children etc I would need to attempt about 500 to earn £40. That's about 48p an hour. On the plus side they are sending me six or seven a day to do. The other sites are a bit more involved and take longer to complete but pay in points or vouchers which you have to reach £50 to redeem. however, I have completed 2 surveys thus far that have stopped half way through for which I have not been paid. I am informed by an error message that it wont count because of any of the following reasons,1, someone has already completed  the survey on my computer, 2, They detect some fraudulent activity. 3, I have completed the survey to fast. None of which are true. This means the  survey has been completed but I do not get paid. The companies do suggest this is important work and that my opinions count which makes me feel much better of course.
There are a couple of things that occur to me from their point of view.
firstly, They have to keep you, the survey panel,happy by providing  something to do but they also need to source companies that will pay them and allow them to pay the survey panel. there is probably an imbalance in this and i would guess they keep the panel happy by providing mock surveys just to keep them sweet. Secondly, I have noticed a tendency for the questionnaire to start of quite vague and general at first but then become much more specific about a particular service or product. Twice I have answered questions negatively and have been rejected as not suitable or survey quota full. I am not suggesting they doctor the answers to get the right results,but its not impossible.I have only been doing this for week so will have to see how I get on.